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N久N久没写东西了...来美国已经两个月又19天，IVY League的学习生活压力太大了，每天都在到处瞎忙活，一份接一份的problem set,一篇又一篇的reading assignment，一个又一个的小测验，也不知道在这样的生活中自己到底是不是在收获。美国的自由教育确实有很多很多的好处，但是过多的选择和自由反而会使向我这样意志不坚定的人迷失前进的方向，最近在上一门Late Imperial China, 使得多年以来对历史的浓厚兴趣突然爆发了，昨天上午在Van Pelt图书馆泡了4个小时，看一本叫Genghis Khan and the Making of Modern World的书，研究13世纪蒙古大军三次西征对于世界历史进程的影响，有一时兴起便借来了两本相关的书，一本Black Death & Pestilence in Europe,另一个是the Canterbury Tales. 加上上周借的The Confucians of Pleasure, Fountain of Fortune Money and Monetary Policy in China from 1000-1700;Metals and Monies in an emerging global Economy. 我现在堆了六本于我学的课毫无关系的书。虽说这种广泛的涉猎无意是一种享受，但是这种沉浸开始让我怀疑起工程这条路是否还适合我，开始思索那一种求学道路会让我在功利和快乐中打到一个相对的平衡。这种忧虑再一次让我丧失了方向感，也或许我的方向感早在今年4月1日十九已经完完全全失去了.....一晃眼就到thanksgiving了，圣诞节回家就开始倒计时了。这次回家停留时间短得可怜，也有很多值得期待做的事。不过我现在最想要的，就是能利用短暂的停留，静下心来，重新定位自己。

 

最近唯一能让我心情愉悦的事件就是刚刚收获了一份大礼。原本以为拿六个A-level的A已经为我三年的留英生活话上圆满句号了，可是上周又接到通知，我今年三月份的做的物理研究课题在英国Salters Institute举办的全国性Student Project Competition中，在至少2千份projects中获得了第一名！本来以为奖金换算到美元后至少上千，可是刚刚确认到只有可怜的250英镑，唉，英国的教育机构就是小气！而且奖金可能还不是cash,而是book token。如果是这样话，只能在圣诞节的时候原价转卖给英国的朋友。本来自己还热血沸腾的想去参加这个月22日在伦敦举办的颁奖典礼，顺便拐到Cambridge和Canterbury拜访一下老师和同学，再到现场看一场Chelsea的英超比赛，可是查了一眼机票的价格和申请签证的手续费，算了一下开销至少是奖金的两倍，无奈这能打消了这个念头。不过得了这个奖最大的坏处就是又增加了对英国的一份留恋和向往。

 

最近心情烦躁时，就会哼唱原来在King's School经常唱得几首圣歌。在教会学校的两年耳濡目染中，自己没有皈依Church of England, 但却慢慢喜爱上不少圣歌。这里贴出自己最喜欢的三首: Be Thou My Vision, Jeruslem,和 I Vow to Thee My Country.

 

Jeruslem
And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England's mountain green?
And was the holy Lamb of God
On England's pleasant pastures seen?
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among those dark satanic mills?

Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear! O clouds, unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
I will not cease from mental fight,
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand,
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England's green and pleasant land.

 

 

 

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

 

 

I vow to thee, my country

I vow to thee, my country, all earthly things above,

Entire and whole and perfect, the service of my love;

The love that asks no question, the love that stands the test,

That lays upon the altar the dearest and the best;

The love that never falters, the love that pays the price,

The love that makes undaunted the final sacrifice.

And there's another country, I've heard of long ago,

Most dear to them that love her, most great to them that know;

We may not count her armies, we may not see her King;

Her fortress is a faithful heart, her pride is suffering;

And soul by soul and silently her shining bounds increase,

And her ways are ways of gentleness, and all her paths are peace.

这三首圣歌可以在通过以下link欣赏：

Be Thou My Vision  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GDnXxMdgnI

Jeruslem    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQ0oCmDXrVk

I Vow to Thee My Country http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5Rl5eIXcgE&mode=related&search=